Dr. Stanley D. Emmerson MD
When circumstances make you being apart from your partner, at first, you may feel it as a catastrophe but, then, you have to build a strategy on how to maintain the long-distance relationships (which abbreviate LDR) with someone you really need. It can be a challenging task but not impossible. Surprisingly, studies have shown that though 56% of people consider LDR abnormal, people who have such relationship feel not less satisfied or frustrated, according to Readersdigest.ca. Sometimes, partners even develop more intimacy when staying in touch from far away. We hope our pieces of advice can help you to meet the challenge of LDR consciously and without a negative attitude toward them. Long-Distance-Relationships
  1. Make it clear about your real goals and expectations.
The truth is that not every relationship has to be kept. Examine your feelings about your partner. Is it a person you are going to be in a lifelong run? If you already have a long-term serious relationship and both of you are sure that keeping them is your priority, then, you have a good chance to overcome all the difficulties of LDR.
  1. Have a straight talk about fidelity.
It is important to be sure what your partner thinks about it and know how it may be different from your understanding. If you do not do it beforehand, then you can find you both trapped in the toils of mutual charges and destructive emotions. What is just freedom and norm for you may cause jealousy in your party, and the other way round. That is a time when you have to discuss frankly if it is expected for both of you to be 100% stuck to the partner physically and emotionally or there can be variations. Some people can accept dating of their partners if they know nothing about it, while others consider that even emotional involvement with someone of the opposite sex is a betrayal. Can you have parties with friends? Have you to report about every your step? These questions may never arise when you are together, but in LDR they are essential. Settle them before you are on the run.
  1. Learn how to talk about your feelings.
The whole concept of how to communicate with your important other is changing. There is no touch, meaningful looks, and all those small things that can show your care and your passion toward the beloved one. You have to open your mouth and start talking about how you feel to show your affection. And if you are sad and feel lonely, just say it.
  1. Quality of communication is more important than frequency.
You should keep alive contact with each other, talk, exchange opinions, and share your emotions. And it is important to do this naturally but not as it was your duty. Scheduled conversation on the phone where you enumerate the things that happened during your day can be boring. Sometimes, it is better not to talk for a few days if you have no important things to say. But if you have a sudden urge to call at night and say about your love, do it. To be part of the lives of each other, you can agree to do something together at the same time, as there are no miles between you. Go walking and describe everything that you see on the way. Share the music you listen to. Run in the morning at the same time if it is possible or go to a gym.
  1. Keep your sexual life.
Before we talked more about love, affection, and healthy communication, but sex is a part of our lives that is difficult to overestimate. If you are not engaged in sexual ties, one day or other your virtual connection can turn into nothing. The study of LDR by researches of Mayo.edu has shown that 56% of couples that were not involved in any remote sexual contacts during their separate living have failed to keep their relationships, while for those who expressed their sexuality somehow this indicator is 23%. Modern communications give people many possibilities to show their sexuality being far away from each other: texting (sexting), cheeky photos, video chats with sexual games, and even long-distant sex toys. You could agree with each other how far you are ready to go.
  1. Engage in safe sex with yourself.
It does not matter how it sounds, but if you are sexually unsatisfied and have firm intention not to play around, you have no choice but play with yourself. It can help you to relax and be less socially aggressive.
  1. Enjoy being alone.
Being alone is a life circumstance but being lonely is your choice. Find a way to be happy even when you thousand miles ago from your S.O. Visit friends, have parties, explore the world around, find a new hobby, attend exhibitions, watch movies, and play your guitar, or whatever you can play. You can do something that your partner does not like, while he is not with you and do it with pleasure. Enjoy shopping or playing bowling. Do not stick to your loneliness: it exists only in your mind!
  1. Schedule your real-life meetings.
LDR sometimes last for years, so you should meet sometimes. How often you will do this depends on your situation, but it is not recommended to be apart for more than 3 months. And you should carefully plan these events to use your time wisely. It is not necessary to be together all the time. Introducing your partner to the people you spend your time with in his absence is a way to make him a part of your life. But if you enjoy the company of each other and do not want to see others, it is also okay. Be spontaneous and do what you feel better at the moment.
  1. Take advantage of being apart.
You hardly can be bored with each other after not meeting for ages. It can spice your relationship up, and you do not need to invent something to be attractive and interesting for your partner.
  1. Do not turn bad visits into drama.
It can happen that things do not go smoothly when you finally meet. Let it be. Do not create any expectation in advance and, if the visit was far from being perfect, do not think that is the end. It is like in everyday life: not all of your days are the best. Take it as granted.
  1. Fights can be good.
Fights in relationships are not always bad. They can indicate that your relationships are alive. You are not indifferent. It is just releasing of that energy that was coiling inside of you without a way out. Your meeting triggers that energy, and it plays on your emotions. Do not take it personally.
  1. Remember: Neither your partner nor you are perfect.
In LDR, people tend to create an ideal image of the other half and, then, they find it is not true! In this case, you can blame only yourself: it was self-deceiving. Accept that your friend is not ideal, and never was. Contrary, you can set very high requirements for yourself, your behavior when being along and then get disappointed when you fail to meet those requirements. It is nothing bad with being weak or frustrated, and you could not help but take it as it is, unless you want to be unhappy.
  1. Trust, trust, and trust.
Lack of trust is one of the main reasons why LDR fails. After you clearly defined the personal boundaries at the beginning, you should just believe your partner and not try to control. Meticulous questioning and suspicions can give you nothing but impatience of your partner in return, whilst trust is a foundation of wholesome relationships of independent and self-confident people.
  1. Set the term of your trial.
LDR make sense only if they do not last forever. It is always a temporary solution, otherwise, you can spend the whole life waiting for your happy days that might not come. You should know from the beginning for how long you take this commitment of being apart. Knowing this helps you maintain the relationships and gives you a clear picture of the future. Make plans of what you are going to do when this period of your lives is over, and your journey will appear shorter to you.
  1. Don’t think it’s not possible.
70% of successful marriages had periods when couples had to live apart and they have overcome that. So will do you. Many people say their relationship has even become more intimate after the period of LDR. They have learned how to love and take care of each other without being selfish and requiring. Look at it LDR as it was probation of your feelings and be optimistic.